January’s Bestest Songs

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During the first month of 2019, I was happiest when these tracks were spinning in my Discman.


1. Chaka Khan – “Hello Happiness”

Having trouble feeling optimistic about 2019? Ms. Khan would like four minutes of your time.

2. Steve Gunn – “Vagabond”

This swirling acoustic ramble feels like it could go on forever. It’s almost disappointing when it doesn’t.

3. CupcakKe – “Squidward Nose”

Parental advisory: explicit, hilarious, empowering, compulsively joyful lyrics.

4. Moon Tooth – “Trust”

Prog-metal candy.

5. Weyes Blood – “Andromeda”

What if Karen Carpenter fronted Pink Floyd?

6. Aesop Rock & Tobacco – “Tuesday”

Hearing the epically verbose Aesop Rock break down his personal hygiene fails is like going to a Garbage Pail Kids retrospective at the Met.

7. Sofi Tukker & Zhu – “Mi Rumba”

I used to think I had no need for Right Said Fred-inspired sex bops in my life. Wrong Said Me.

8. Daniel Knox – “Leftovers”

A bitter satire of male entitlement, “Leftovers” marks Daniel Knox as a Randy Newman fan – a surefire way to make this list.

9. Big K.R.I.T. – “Energy”

A silky smooth call to action from the last man standing in the Dirty South.

10. Sharon Van Etten – “Comeback Kid”

Sharon goes Siouxie.

11. James Blake – “I’ll Come Too”

“I wouldn’t do this on my own / But I’m not on my own tonight.” Swoon.

What I Learned from “A Star Is Born”

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As a part of my yearly compulsion to watch as many Oscar-nominated movies as possible, my Januaries and Februaries are jam-packed with biopics, melodramas, and movies about how magical movies are. As part of this year’s neurotic box-checking, I held my breath and pressed play on A Star Is Born, a straightforward story about a woman getting famous and dealing with a jealous-ass dude. If it sounds familiar, that’s probably because this version is the third reboot of the 1937 original. Why did director and star Bradley Cooper feel compelled to revisit this well-tread ground? Because Oscar voters adore well-tread ground. (And because he’s into Eddie Vedder cosplay.) Here’s what else this perfectly mediocre prestige picture has taught me:

1. Women can’t succeed until a man tells them they look pretty.

Our movie begins with Bradley Cooper’s booze-soaked rock star character, Jackson Maine (ugh), telling his driver to drop him off at the nearest bar, which happens to be a drag club. The drag queens give some precious stage time to their friend Ally (Gaga), who does a spirited sendup of “La Vie En Rose” that showcases her obvious talent. Maine invites Ally out for a drink after. And over the course of their rambling first date, she reveals that she’s never believed in herself because of insecurities about her looks. She’s resigned to a life working as a caterer with her Gay Best Friend™ and living with her dad. But then, Maine tells her she’s pretty. A few months later, she’s a star.

2. Male mumbling = Oscar gold

It seems weird at first when we hear Maine speak – Cooper gives him a deep, mushmouthed drawl, whether he’s drunk or sober. But Oscar voters love men who can’t enunciate! Jeff Bridges won Best Actor for playing a muttering country singer in the forgettable Crazy Heart. Billy Bob Thornton (deservedly) won Best Adapted Screenplay for his iconic caption-needer Sling Blade. Matthew McConaughey’s entire existence is one long mumble, and he won Best Actor for the pretty damn offensive Dallas Buyers Club. If Cooper wins this year, expect even more serious actors to start delivering lines like a sleepy hobo.

3. “If you don’t dig deep into your soul, you won’t have legs.”

I don’t know if I can claim to have learned this, because I have no idea what it means.

4. Southern rock is “real music.”

One of the most fantastical parts of this sweeping Hollywood romance is that a passable Southern rock performer would be not only a massive, universally recognized star, but a star-maker to boot, in 2018. I can suspend disbelief on this – he’s got great hair, and Blake Shelton does exist. But I can’t abide the movie’s weird obsession with romanticizing Maine’s musty genre. When Ally starts making pop music, it’s portrayed as a betrayal of Jackson’s gritty artistic ethos. As if music with guitars is somehow more meaningful. As if the actor playing Ally isn’t living proof that dance music inspires millions. Jackson Maine is an old crank muttering “disco sucks,” and the movie doesn’t have the decency to mock him for it.

5. Plot holes? Paper-thin characters? La-la-la I can’t hear you!!!

Way too much of A Star Is Born’s running time is devoted to Jackson & Ally performing. And that’s by design – much like fellow Best Picture nominee Bohemian Rhapsody, this glut of concert/studio/rehearsal footage works to distract us from the underdeveloped main characters. Jackson & Ally’s relationship is pretty much a tire fire from the beginning, her love being no match for his alcoholism, unresolved anger toward his father, and out-of-control jealousy. But we only get an occasional glance at this dynamic, in between extended music videos of the film’s sturdy-enough original songs. So when the movie (82-year-old spoilers ahead) takes a dark final turn, it feels completely unearned. Not that I’m complaining – I needed those musical distractions to get me through. In fact, let’s insert Lady Gaga and Freddie Mercury performances into every misguided modern drama! Just imagine if Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri spent less time trying to get us to empathize with a racist cop, and cut to a vintage performance of “Somebody to Love” instead.

 

 

 

 

 

Catching Up with Stephen King: Misery

When I moved to Stephen King’s home state of Maine, I thought it would be fun (if a bit cliché) to finally read his books in earnest, and discover how I really feel about his work. For this installment, I ignored all the other cockadoodie books on my shelf and got hopelessly addicted to Misery.

misery7Drugs get too much credit for great works of art. Sgt. Pepper’s is widely considered to be The Beatles’ “LSD album,” despite the fact they quit touring right before they recorded it, allowing them to focus 100% on studio innovations. Salvador Dali’s surrealist visions led people to assume that drugs must be the cause, but all signs point to him being clean: “I don’t do drugs,” he claimed. “I am drugs.” It’s not as romantic, or inclusive, of a narrative, but imaginative art doesn’t come from substances. It comes from people who are really, really imaginative.

Which leads us to our old friend Stephen King. It’s now pretty much common knowledge  that at his popular peak, from the late ’70s to the late ’80s, the author was churning out novel after novel under the influence of cocaine. In his memoir/manual On Writing, he admits to barely remembering writing 1981’s rabid dog thriller Cujo. From 1982-1987, he published twelve novels. The easy takeaway would be to say that coke adversely affected his art, goosing his already healthy ego to make it impossible to separate the wheat from the chaff. But coke didn’t prevent Pet Sematary from being a patiently plotted masterpiece of parental paranoia. And sobriety didn’t prevent him from thinking that a bloated misfire like Bag of Bones was worth putting his name on in the ’90s.

I’m laying out all of this context because the book we’re talking about today is very much about drug addiction. It was written at the tail end of King’s strung-out decade, and features all sorts of compelling meta parallels between bingeable content and bingeable substances. Aptly titled Misery, it’s a battle royale between an artist and his addictions – and an achievement in dramatic tension that left me trembling, even though Rob Reiner’s movie adaptation spoiled the ending for me 29 years ago. Cocaine is undoubtedly an influence on this story’s monster. But it’s the author who’s dealing.

Misery begins inside the head of its protagonist, as a scene takes shape amidst the haze of his thoughts – a tide receding to reveal old, rotting pylons. He’s thinking in metaphors because he’s a famous drugstore novelist named Paul Sheldon. He’s thinking about pylons because there’s something very wrong with his legs. He’s in a mental fog because he’s been drugged. “He wished he was dead, but through the pain-soaked haze that filled his mind like a summer storm-cloud, he did not know he wished it,” King explains on page one.

stephen_king_misery_coverSo, before we know anything else about Sheldon, we know he’s an addict in a bind. And, as King was sure to know first hand, this ebb and flow of pain and bliss would make it excruciatingly difficult for his character to think critically. It would take forever for him to fully understand how he had leapt from the frying pan into the hellfire. Every time the drugs start to wear off, it’s a race between Paul’s wits and his nerve endings. He’s an addled bomb squad captain, running out of time.

The bomb Paul needs to defuse is Annie Wilkes – the author’s “number one fan” – who just happened to stumble across the wreck of his car after he lost control while leadfooting it to California. After dragging his unconscious form to her remote Colorado farmhouse, Annie locked Paul in her guest room, and began administering doses of Novril, a powerful opiate that not just anyone would have lying around.

The genius of the tide-like narrative flow is that we, along with Paul, get to slowly realize what a terrifying psychopath Annie Wilkes truly is. One of King’s great villains, Annie is part church lady, part Spanish Inquisitor, refusing to swear while she wields instruments of torture. She says things like “cockadoodie,” collects Hummel-like figurines, gossips about her neighbors, and loves Sheldon’s schlocky Victorian romance novels with a passion. But when she breaks, her eyes get glassy and she engages in acts of self-harm that were harder for me to read than the book’s goriest moments. Annie is a way more interesting and nuanced character than selfish old Paul. If she wasn’t an “angel of death”-style serial killer, I’d absolutely root for her.

10614The more Paul gets his wits together, the more intense Misery becomes. Despite his shattered legs and debilitating addiction, he figures out how to pick the lock on his bedroom door while Annie is running errands. We’re right there with him as he wheels through the house, weighing the odds of escape. The more we rack our brains, the more we realize that the only way out is to discover if the pen is indeed mightier than the sword. The book then reaches a new level of poignancy as King lets his meta flag fly. Paul decides to bring his beloved main character, Misery Chastain, back to life in a brand new novel. Because as long as he’s writing, Annie can’t kill him. She needs to find out what happens. She, too, is addicted. Here she is, talking about how much she loved cliffhanger-heavy film serials when she was a kid:

“‘What I really looked forward to was the next installment of the chapter-play. I’d find myself thinking about it at odd moments all week long. If a class was boring, or if I had to babysit Mrs. Kremnitz’s four brats downstairs. I used to hate those little brats.’ Annie lapsed into a moody silence, staring into the corner. She had become unplugged.'”

As King details the warring emotions of Paul Sheldon, who begins to care as much about his corny, mildly racist new Misery novel as Annie does, we get an unfiltered view of the author at his most vulnerable. In 1987, Stephen King was one of the most famous writers on earth, with the giant ego necessary to achieve such a feat. But he was not taken seriously by the literary establishment. And taken too seriously by his fanatical following, a prospect that’s as frightening as it is flattering. He reacted to all of it by doing the only thing he knew. Writing, to find out what happens next.

The closer Paul gets to finishing Misery’s Return, the more antsy (and stabby) Annie gets, to the point where she starts kindly asking for spoilers. He eventually has to admit something he had denied forever – writing hacky melodramas is his calling. And he needed the help of Annie Wilkes to reach this moment of clarity. In her basement, alone with his thoughts, Paul and Stephen blur into one:

“Had he hated Misery? Had he really? … misery-9781501156748_hrPerhaps all he had hated was the fact that her face on the dust jackets had overshadowed his in his author photographs, not allowing the critics to see that they were dealing with a young Mailer or Cheever here – they were dealing with a heavyweight here.”

By the time we get to the final, heart-stopping showdown between Paul and Annie, involving molasses-slow police and a heavy, broken typewriter, Misery has become so much more than a top-notch bottle-episode thriller. King uncovers the potential horror undergirding any symbiotic relationship – writer and reader, patient and caretaker, farmer and livestock. And he does it without overwhelming the basics of the plot. That raw, trapped feeling is ever-present, making us feel like the other Misery in this story – Annie’s pig, squealing into the darkness, entirely, horrifyingly dependent.

THE “CATCHING UP WITH KING” RANKINGS

1. Pet Sematary

2. Misery

3. Carrie

4. The Shining

5. Nightmares & Dreamscapes

6. 11/22/63

7. The Stand

8. The Gunslinger

9. Bag of Bones