It’s bad enough that I consider myself a music critic. But there also times when I feel like I have to share my opinion on movies (and the occasional TV show) as well. In this ongoing series, I analyze the lessons that bad films have attempted to teach me. As my body rejects these half-baked, illogical, offensive morals like a botched blood transfusion, I share all the grisly details, in the form of an easily digestible numbered list. So there you have it everyone – the first-ever ironic approach to movie reviews in the history of the Internet!

What I Learned from Cocaine: One Man’s Seduction

What I Learned from The Edge

What I Learned from Elvis

What I Learned from Instinct

What I Learned from Overboard

What I Learned from Sally Hemings: An American Scandal

What I Learned from A Star Is Born

What I Learned from Under the Dome