I have lots of great memories of my Little League baseball days, none of them involved with actually playing. That emotional rollercoaster of being embarrassed to ride the pine, yet scared to play, is best left forgotten. I’m talking about the snack stand here, folks. This is where I became addicted to processed nacho cheese, rainbows of Nerds and Runts, and Kids of the Garbage Pail and Sour Patch varieties. My most precious memory, though, is of consuming bag after bag of Big League Chew, that sugary, cheap shredded gum that comes in a fun pouch – just like chewing tobacco! Whilst sitting on the bench, you could shove your cheek full of a wad of Chew and pretend you were a real ballplayer, spitting all over yourself and groping your crotch like a brain-damaged, tick-infested animal.

So when I read today that Big League Chew will be produced in Akron, NY – a short drive from my hometown of Buffalo – I jumped for joy. Or at least I tried to. I’m kinda fat for some reason.