Mom and dad,
Sorry it took so long to give you your present this year. I was too busy watching A Dog Named Christmas, and basking in the afterglow of watching A Dog Named Christmas. I hope you’re satisfied with a link to my review of the 2009 Kissmas Bash instead – if you needed any more proof that Kris Allen is horrible, well, here you go.
I completely disagree with your rude, crude and socially unacceptable comment about Kris allen being “horrible.” You call yourself a reporter? Kris was my favorite on AI this year, he was the underdog who received no air time prior to Top 36, and I simply love the guy. He’s so much better than the runner up. He sings instead of screeching. But I’m not gonna waste my time trying to convince you that Kris is an amazing singer/songwriter whose single went gold in less than two months. But he doesn’t deserve jerks like you who spew hatred out the way you do. Lemme guess…your parents are Glamberts. Or you are. Figures.
Actually, Morgan, neither I nor my parents are Glamberts. We are Glampreys, though – deadly diva eels that blind our prey with poisonous glitter before consuming them whole.